Start the reactor. Free Mars...

I woke up this morning and through my blinds, it looked like the sky was on fire. I opened them and this is what I saw:

You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars!

It was the strangest and most surreal sight - and it was right outside my bedroom window. A bit of brief digging, and I found out it was not just me.

Yep - that's not fog, it's dust (which I discovered when I opened my window and took a breath, resulting in several minutes of frenetic coughing). This city always has a surprise up its sleeve...

The view from the office - which is normally

a rather spectacular skyline.

Dubai, or, How I Learned the True Meaning of the Word 'Sweaty'

Because I have forever and always wanted to see it, I picked a flight back to Sydney that went through Dubai. Sure, it's 3 and a half hours in the wrong direction (or right direction, if you keep going a bit further), but it was cheaper than some of the slightly more direct flights back to Australia. Plus, I got to see Dubai.

I only had 24 hours there, essentially arriving at noon one day, and departing at noon the following day. Flying in, I saw vast expanses of desert, until the seas of sand gave way to...more sand. After a considerable amount of sand, we suddenly flew over some semblance of civilization, and then just as suddenly landed in the middle of it. Except that we were also surrounded by palm trees.

Dubai really is a desert oasis. It's essentially a city of people who decided that a ridiculously hot strip of desert along the water would make a nice place to live, and the consequences be damned. Gotta give them some credit for that.

I had booked myself in a pretty nice place, since I didn't really know when I'd be back again (but looking back, I think it will be sooner rather than later). I was met at the airport by the hotel representative, and shown to my private 7-series BMW which would take me back to the hotel. The driver had been sitting in it with the A/C on for a little while, so it was at the perfect arctic temperature. Which is great when it's 104 degrees outside. Why I had bothered bringing jackets to three of the hottest countries ever is beyond me. Anyway...

On the drive to the hotel, the driver was very helpful in pointing out interesting landmarks along the way. Most of Dubai is still being built, and they have a considerable % of the world's cranes in use at the moment. That being said, there was some truly spectacular architecture there.

This is the Burj Dubai, the tallest building in

the world.

It stands at 2,684 feet tall - that's over

half a mile.

There are really no words for this thing -

it's like a massive metal spike tearing into

the sky.

There were a few other fantastic structures as well, including a still-under-construction monorail, the stations of which looked like sleek geometric eggs, as well as many buildings that looks like nothing else anywhere in the world.

I came to the conclusion that Dubai is home to many rather competitive people - and this isn't a bad thing at all. It's just a bunch of people who want to have the fastest car, the tallest building, the biggest yacht, or something that no one else has in the world. I was reading an article that describes Dubai as being made up of the 'have nots' and the 'have yachts.' Having seen a small glimpse of it myself, I can say that this is not far off.

The Mina A' Salam (Harbor of Peace), where I

would be staying for the next 24 hours.

The view from my room - yes, that is the

Burj Al Arab right next door.

My resort was essentially one of 3 that was

connected by a series of waterways and canals

accessible by gondola.

One view of my room - this was without a doubt

the nicest place I'd ever stayed. I mean, just

look at all the pillows.

Obligatory bathroom shot. The complimentary

shampoo / conditioner / etc had little Persian

tower domes for lids, like the buildings in Aladdin.

Looking out toward the balcony from the foyer.

The rest of the city from the hotel. If you look

closely at the skyline toward the right side of

the picture, you can see the building that houses

the indoor ski slope. Didn't make it there this

time, sadly - next time, though.

The entrance hall of the hotel, complete

with pool full of rose petals. They did not

look too kindly on my swimming in it.

I had every intention of heading out into the city and exploring, but when your sunglasses and camera do this when you head outside...

All you want to do is this...

Comfy.

Yes, within about ten seconds of walking outside, I was sweating through my shirt thanks to the wonderful humidity there. I quickly changed my plans and decided to head out to the beach instead. Skipping like a child toward the welcoming water, I was a bit surprised to discover - after splashing in up to my chest - that the water was about 90 degrees. There is just no escaping the heat. Except back in the hotel room. And I wasn't ready to go back in yet.

I hung out on the beach for a couple of hours, floating in the warm water in the shadow of the imposing Burj Al Arab. Seeing pictures of it really doesn't do it justice - I was simply in awe. It was just such a surreal experience. After a bit of a snooze on the beach, I wandered groggily back up to my room.

This was actually a really nice beach -

deserted, clean, fine sand, warm water.

With some time to kill in the afternoon, I wanted to go see the Burj Al Arab. Fun fact: if you are not staying at the Burj Al Arab (which starts at around $1400 / night), there are only certain hours you are allowed to visit. Fortunately, since it is in the same group of hotels where I was staying, they have complimentary buggies that take you over there. The only catch? You have to dress in smart casual attire. Crap.

Dressed up to the nines, I hopped in a buggy and cruised over.

The only way to access the hotel is via an over-

water bridge leading out to the island. It's

essentially a hotel with a moat. Awesome.

There are just no words for the amount of money that must be in this place. Here are a few highlights from my visit.

Each of the escalators are flanked by massive

fish tanks.

The lobby area houses a sizable water show

fountain.

Looking up the middle of the hotel from the

lobby. There were so many colors and

patterns, yet they all seemed to blend

together without being too loud.

The materials used are some of the most exquisite

ever - gold, marble, mosaic tiles. They spared

no expense.

Another colorful fountain located in the

upper lobby.

An incredible tile mosaic on the floor of the lobby.

Mr. Helmut Swarovski had this 1:750 scale

model of the Burj Al Arab crafter out of

crystal, just for the hotel.

Descending the escalator down into the lower lobby.

Someone had a really sweet white Rolls Royce

parked out front the hotel.

Someone also had a white guy parked out

front of the hotel.

Another shot of the waterways surrounding

my resort.

The sun setting out over the Arabian Gulf.

I had made 9:oo pm reservations for dinner that evening, because I wanted to fit in a massage beforehand. The spa was absolutely spectacular - sauna, steam room, plung pools, waterfall showers, lounge - and I had the entire thing to myself. The massage itself was amazing, and was definitely overdue from a busy couple of weeks.

When I got back to my room, this was waiting for me:

OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU?

Seriously, what are you? You're starting to

creep me out.

After showering up for dinner, I made my way over to MJ's, which was a steakhouse located in the resort.

It was a nice place - kinda 1930s Chicago themed

inside.

To repeat, please: There ees too much peppar on

my paprikash.

Dinner consisted of warm, crusty bread, a cream

of mushroom and truffled soup, onion rings, truffle

mashed potatoes, and a wagyu sirloin, folowed by

a delicious creme brulee for dessert.

This was just a really spectacular chandelier I

saw as I was walking back toward my room.

The Burj Al Arab is lit up at night, switching

every so often between the colors of the

various Emirates.

My flight left the following day - 13 and a half hours back to Sydney on a new A380, complete with atmospheric lighting to simulate a sunrise and sunset. I had hoped to sleep at least a little bit on the flight, but thanks to a crying baby and a kid who didn't understand the meaning of an 'inside voice,' I just ended up watching a lot of movies and a half dozen episodes of Friends. We did fly directly over Maldives, though - really made me want to plan a trip there.

After eating and sweating my way through two weeks in Asia, the cold winter air of Sydney bit at my face as I left the airport. It was good to be home.

Tall & White in India

Wow.

To begin, here are a few observations about India:

• I have been traveling all my life, and this is the first time where I've actually understood the meaning of culture shock.
• They have lane divider lines painted on the road. Why, is beyond me.
• When someone tells you something is going to be spicy, don't laugh and say 'it's ok, I can handle spicy.' For the love of God, trust them.
• I have never been more stared-at, photographed, or videotaped in my life. As a result, I have decided to put my dreams of becoming a massive movie star on hold for the time being.
• The Dollar goes really, really far here.
• Chaat is delicious.

I arrived into the Hyderabad airport at around midnight due to the delay getting out of Bangkok, and collected my luggage. Heading out of the terminal, I saw my name on a placard and felt like a bigshot. Sure, it read 'MR CARSONAPAGE,' but at least give me my moment.

The gentleman holding said sign was Nayeem, and he was to be my driver for the next week. Yes, people are assigned drivers when visiting the office there. Just to clarify, I was not whisked away in a German saloon, but instead, a small Toyota hatchback. Still, it's better than taking a taxi.

Because it was 12:30 by the time we were on the road, it was quite dark and I didn't get to see much. I arrived at my corporate apartment at a little past one in the morning, and collapsed on my bed.

The view of the courtyard from my apartment.

Very Rear Window-esque...

Morning arrived on Sunday and I wanted to make the most of my time. Having done a teensy bit of research beforehand / received a few recommendations, my first stop of the day was to be Fort Golkonda, a semi-preserved fort toward the edge of town. My driver picked me up at around 8 in the morning, and we headed across town toward the fort.

Hmm - not so bad, actually.

Upon arriving at one of the seven entrance gates to the fort, my driver then instructed me to tell the ticket taker that I would be willing to only pay 500 Rp for a guide, but that they would ask for more. I was to stick with 500 and say that a friend told me that's what the price was, but I was not to mention my driver's name. Marginally ok with this, I went up to the entrance and paid the 10 Rp for a ticket. I was then taken by a guide into the fort itself.

The fort was built in the 16th century, and is located just outside of Hyderabad.

One of the entrances to the fort. Boiling

oil would be poured down through the hole.

There was also a stone wall a little ways back from the outside of the gate, so elephants couldn't get up enough speed to batter down the gates. This fortress was chock full of neat engineering / defensive marvels like that.

The entrance foyer - if you stand in the middle

and clap, it echoes all around you. Take a step

or two out of the center, and you hear nothing.

The entrance was quite ingenious, as the clapping could be heard halfway up the hill as a sort of warning. You'll also notice the diamond shapes - the fort was also called the 'Diamond Fort,' as it was the center of diamond trading at the time. One of the largest diamonds in the world, the Darya-ye Noor, was also discovered there, at an estimated 182 carats and colored a pale pink.

After 5 minutes or so of walking, my guide stopped by another gentleman standing in the path, mentioned that this was his boss, and instructed me to pay him 750 Rp. Completely forgetting everything my driver told me, I paid without hesitation. Oh well. I should also mention at this point I hadn't actually checked out what the exchange rate was, but that ended up being around $15.

And the tour continued.

Yours truly standing just inside the entrance,

and not yet sweaty. Not yet, anyway...

I will mention this - Singapore was warm. India is warmer. I am wearing jeans, some might say foolishly. There are 350 steps leading to the top of the 400' hill. There are another 350 steps leading back down. This does not bode well for me.

Some of the fort is a bit overgrown - it's

nice to see a bit of color, at least.

These inspire sweatiness just looking at them.

Part of the way up the hill with 3 tombs in the

background. And not yet visibly sweaty.

Impressed? I thought so.

One of many reservoirs in the fort, fed to the

upper levels by an intricate system of pipes.

Inside the prison of the fort, one of the prisoners

had carved and painted these designs into the

wall.

In the center of the photo, just past the grassy

field, you can see a white structure - this is the

entrance I mentioned earlier. My guide did a

series of claps, that were then echoed by

someone back in the foyer. You could hear

them clear as day. Amazing stuff.

They've done a lot of work to partially-restore

some of the beautiful architecture of the fort

to some of its former glory.

And so the sweating begins. Not pictured:

under-eye sweat and sweatstache.

Looking down on the fort from the summit.

Part of the 10km perimeter wall and one of the

seven gates. The fort was under siege for 9

months and never fell, but was eventually

undone when a treacherous guard opened the

gate for the enemy.

Descending from the summit. Sweatiness level

at 78% and climbing.

You can see some of the broken pipework

that led from the reservoirs up to the summit.

The pipes led to a small pool pictured here,

from which animals would drink to test for

poisons.

The main courtyard and fountain. In the

evenings, they host a sound and light show

here. Tempted as I was to come back and sweat

in the evening as well, I was content with just

seeing it in the daylight.

Some of the decorative stonework adorning the

fort. In its heyday, many of the small holes were

actually filled with diamonds.

If you can get past the sweat (sorry), this is

me standing in the corner of the whispering

room. If two people stood in opposite corners

of the room and whispered, the acoustics

actually made it sound like the person was

whispering right next to you. Many of the rooms

were like this, so the king could be aware of most

conversations happening.

My guide and I were then walking down a corridor, when hear a chirping sound steadily getting louder. Peering into the darkness around one corner, I see nothing. 'You want a good picture?' my guide asks me. 'Sure!' I reply. I hand him my camera and he walks around a corner and points it into the darkness. The flash lights up the gloom ever so briefly, and I am in awe.

Those are all bats. Thousands of them.

All of those little red dots are eyes.

We descended the hill to find a nicely-manicured

little field in front of a prayer temple.

A partially-restored guest house (left).

At the end of the tour, my guide led me into a dark corner just before the entrance, and explained that the money I had paid earlier goes to all guides, and that he deserved a little extra for himself as well. Ah, pretty sneaky, sis. Not exactly comfortable in this particular dark and dank side room, I obligingly gave him a nice tip, and was on my way.

The next stop was the temple Birla Mandir, a Hindu temple made of 2000 tons of pure white marble. Upon arriving, I wandered through the gate and started up the steps. I was then informed to go back down, remove my sandals, and then I could enter. Considering my only exposure to India prior to this trip had been Slumdog Millionaire, I was fairly certain my footwear would not be waiting for me when I got back down. The good news was that my feet are bigger than anyone else's in India, so whoever stole them would have one hell of a time trying to sell them.

Ready to ascend the steps to the top of the temple, I was again held at the gate and notified that I wouldn't be able to take my camera up either. I was instructed to leave it with a gentleman in street clothes standing by a couple of guards. Ok, now I'm going to be stranded shoeless and cameraless in a random temple in India. Sweet.

Anyway, the temple itself was stunning (no good pictures, obviously, but there are a couple of good ones here). On the walk back down, a couple of Indians approached me and started chatting, asking where I was from, and told me I looked smart and that they like that. Skeptical, I kept brushing my hand against my wallet, you know, just to make sure. They seemed nice enough, so I continued to chat with them all the way down.

Much to my surprise, both my camera and shoes were still there. Ok, so this place is not to bad after all.

The best shot I could get of the temple from

the parking lot.

Getting back in the car, my driver then told me he wanted to take me by some stores to do some shopping. Hyderabad is well-known for its pearls, so I was first taken (somewhat against my will) to a pearl jeweler. He had quite a nice range of items, ranging from simple pearl necklaces all the way up to Tahitian black pearl necklances. I kept thinking to myself, yes, these would be wonderful gifts for a girlfriend or wife...of which I have neither. I kindly thanked him and left (ok, so I may have told him I'd return later in the week after 'thinking about it' - I don't like high-pressure sales situations, and will generally say / do anything to get out of them).

Nayeem then took me to an Indian handicraft store in Jubilee Hills (a contrastingly-nice part of town). Everything in the store must be handmade, or they government will confiscate their merchant license. Not really intending on buying anything, necessarily, I went into the store to have a look around. The merchant then began to show me every...single...item...in the store. He laid out rugs of all shapes and sizes, bedding, table runners, pashminas, napkins, placemats. I had to be wary of where I stepped because most of the floor was covered with items. Apparently I was also his first sale of the day, which many merchants in India believe to be lucky, so he was trying extra hard. Despite his best efforts, I walked out with only 2 pashminas and a beautiful hand-made runner rug for my apartment. Score 1 for Carson. I...wait a minute...

I also got to experience bargaining for the first time, which was interesting. Having not really read up on it beforehand, I didn't really know what to do, but after we left, Nayeem said I had done a good job. At any rate, I left feeling as though I had paid a fair price for some really pretty stuff.

Holy cow.

Feeling pretty worn-out, I headed back to the corporate apartments to rest. Tomorrow was a work day, after all.

The Hyderabad office was quite nice, and only a couple hundred feet down the street from the corporate apartments. They actually encourage you to use your driver, but really, I would have felt so lazy, so I just walked.

The office was decorated with beautiful sand art

due to the fact that the week I was there was the

middle of the Ganesh Festival.

Another fantastic piece of sand art. Surprisingly,

these went the entire week without someone

(ahem...me...) walking clumsily through them.

The view from the rooftop terrace of the office.

A giant lit statue of Ganesha. The bigger

your Ganesha, the better.

One of the evenings, the HR Manager invited a

few people back to his place for drinks and food.

In the courtyard of his complex was a Ganesha

shrine.

I got the blessing: camphor smoke, red chalk

on the forehead, and rice sprinkled in my hair.

This meant we were going to have a good party.

They were also filming a Bollywood movie in his

parking garage. We watched it on TV 15 minutes

later upstairs.

Another evening, we all went out to dinner.

You'll recall my comment about why they even

bother having lines on the roads...

The Spicy Venue? I prefer to think it was

called Spicy: The Venue.

Out to dinner with the team! One of these

things is not like the other...

So much good food.

"Careful, Carson, don't eat that. It's a spicy chile."

"HA," says I.

*gurgle*

HOOOOOOOOOOOT.

On a completely unrelated note, my graphic design skills are certainly available for hire.

As I mentioned before, any time I am near a place that seems like it has a reasonably respectable zoo, I must go visit. It is my sole charge in life. Hyderabad just so happened to have a zoo.

Let me preface my visit by saying that it was not a terrible zoo, per se. But that being said, it was actually laughably bad at certain points. Join me on this magical journey, won't you?

Ok, not so bad, it has a cool sculpture out front.

Kinda respectable-looking.

HELLO?...LO...LO...lo...lo...lo...lo...

*cricket...cricket*

Ooo - a monkey!

Most of the primate exhibits were surrounded

by moats filled with tons of fish, which I can

only assume are piranhas or a very small

breed of shark.

More monkeys!

A wolf's monkey. They did have a few critters

I hadn't seen before here, at least.

I don't care if it makes me uncivilized - I am

not going near you to throw anything away,

creepy monkey trash can.

A lion-tailed macaque.

Another primate - I was beginning to wonder if

I had accidentally wandered into the National

Primate Conservation Park (which doesn't actually

exist, but very well could have as a result of

the first part of the zoo).

Oh thank God. I don't care what you are, as long

as you are not a monkey.

A couple of white tigers, considered the main

attraction at this zoo.

At this point I took a quick detour into their Natural History Museum, and let me just say how sad I am that I wasn't allowed to take photos in there. They had about a dozen dioramas depicting the natural history of India. Ten out of twelve of these displays were about tigers: 'a tiger at dawn,' 'a tiger sleeping,' 'a tiger eating its prey,' 'a tiger at midday,' 'a tiger at early afternoon,' 'a tiger at dusk,' etc. One of the other two had some sort of deer / elk thing in it. The final display had a crocodile and a dolphin with its tail snapped completely off and sitting right next to it. Oh man - it was everything I could do not to giggle my way through the entire thing.

What I wouldn't give to be a big cat and just

lie around all day in the sun.

An Indian wolf - and I'm not just saying that

because I'm in India.

These guys were all staring me down and would

all take a step in the opposite direction each time

I did. Whatever, I didn't want to pet you anyway.

Ok, one redeeming factor of the Hyderabad Zoo? They had somehow managed to harness the technology from Jurassic Park and create...dinosaurs.

RAHHH, it's the king of the dinosaurs!

None shall stand in the way of the mighty

triceratops!

Quake in fear as-...ok, I can't do this anymore.

I mean seriously, they're not even trying.

Look at that ridiculous grin.

Along the topic of the merciless staring and just feeling out of place, there were so many occasions where I would be walking by an exhibit and someone would be filming the animal, then out of the corner of they would see me, and slowly point the camera at me. Oh, and there was the time the zoo train went by and everyone shouted and waved. Or when the group of schoolchildren all swarmed around me. Or when the guy selling tickets for the zoo safari wanted his picture taken with me.

That's right, buddy - nothing's for free. You want

a picture with me? I get one too.

A group of colorfully-dressed school children

after they all walked by and stared unabashedly.

Ok, now we come to what I feel is the piece de resistance - the Hyderabad Zoo aquarium. While I was waiting for the safari (more on that to come soon), I took 3 minutes to wander through. Yes, 3 minutes. And that was being generous. And also allowed for a quick nap. The aquarium was about the size of my bedroom. And what denizens of the deep would meet me in this claustrophobic aquatic habitat?

I can't be certain, but I think there is actually

a goldfish in there.

Really? I thought green terror was what you

had to clean up after a night of drinking Midori

sours...

Ok, seriously - I gave you guys the benefit of the

doubt with the dinosaurs, but come on.

No. No. No. No. NO. This is just a green

terror that you've painted-WHAT AM I

SAYING?

So that was fun.

Next it was time to hop on the safari bus to go

drive through an enclosure with lions and tigers

roaming free.

I was actually kind of excited for this. I've always wanted to go on an African safari, and this would just have to suffice until that actually happens. I walked up to the man and asked for 2 tickets for myself and Nayeem. He informed me that they needed a minimum of 12 people to go on the safari. Glancing around at the deserted zoo, I sighed and sat down in the chair next to him, staring at him through squinting eyes. Being somewhat impatient, I did what any sensible person would do...

...I bought all 12 tickets.

Let me just explain to you a little bit just where I am right now, and why I'm still enjoying myself so much. By all accounts, this is a pretty awful zoo. So what was the silver lining? I had paid for parking, admission for both myself and Nayeem, the fee to bring my camera into the zoo, 12 tickets for the safari, an ice cream, and a soda. Total equivalent cost of this experience? About $10. Yep. Even 12 seats on the Hyderabad Zoo safari rickshaw, and I was barely breaking double digits. Anyway, moving on.

Because no one else had actually shown up or

wanted to go, Nayeem and I had the bus to

ourselves.

As we would be driving by free-range lions and

tigers, I was glad to have sturdy mesh doors

that wouldn't suddenly slide open during slight

braking.

Wait, what the...

Crap.

They finally got the door fixed and we entered through a series of rather rusty gates. The lions inside appeared to be caged until the van came along, at which point they would be let loose to wander around.

Like all cats, when the gates opened, they just

stood there looking outside, until the keeper

was just about to close the gate again, at which

point they decided they were ready to go out.

Ah, well - a lot of crazy running around planned.

Better stretch first.

Well, it's less like running, and more like gentle

moseying.

Wow, all that lying in the shade has me a bit

worn out. I think I'll lie here in the shade.

We were driving along a bit further, when suddenly

a tiger wandered out right in front of us.

But it was hot, and he was a tiger on a mission.

Bathtime.

It seriously reminded me of a very low-budget

Jurassic Park. Although, it did have state-of-

the-art voice activation technology...

...in the sense that you yell at the guy and

he opens the gate...begrudgingly. Every

major theme park encounters some bugs

at some point, I suppose.

At one point during the safari, we had a clear

view back toward the city and Charminar,

where I would be going following the zoo.

Not entirely sure what these are, but they were

about the size of large horses.

They also had what was probably the largest

group of crocodiles that I had ever seen.

These were also new to me - Gharials. Very

similar to crocs, but with embarrassingly-tiny

jaws. Hehehe.

Reindeer? God only knows.

A big ol' toothy croc.

Sun bears wrasslin'.

I just found this amusing - all of the geese were

walking in a single-file line.

That's about it in respect to the zoo. An honorable mention goes to the nocturnal creatures house, which was poorly-ventilated and smelled sickeningly like feces. Oh, and at the end, in the dark, the guide leading us through cornered me for a tip. *sigh* There was also a little girl begging as we were leaving - she latched onto my arm and kept calling me 'uncle.' To my knowledge, my brother has not fathered any children in India. That's right - I saw right through her little charade. She kept begging until we actually pulled away in the car.

Having thoroughly enjoy my time there, Nayeem and I headed to Charminar, the iconic structure of Hyderabad. He had warned me it would be busy.

I'm not sure how anyone finds their way anywhere.

There are no street signs, and roads such as

this one just end randomly in giant ditches.

A rather pretty government house up on a hill.

More ridiculous Charminar traffic.

Nearly there! Just a little further. The only thing

between us was 5 rows of traffic crammed into

the space of 2.

Charminar - pretty cool stuff.

The main street leading to Charminar was

essentially one giant bazaar.

People would also randomly dart out into the

street, yet I miraculously didn't see anyone

flattened.

A temple on the drive back to the airport.

My visit to India had most certainly been an eye-opening one. While much of it was outside of my comfort zone, I was very thankful to have experienced it.

One more quick stop before heading home to Sydney.