Back of Bourke: Tales from Down Under: Singapore, or, 'It can't get any hotter or stickier, right? Right?'

These past couple of weeks, I have had the amazing opportunity to travel through Asia on business. My first destination was to be Singapore, a country about which I knew very little, with the exception that you could be jailed for spitting, and they still practiced caning. What I discovered when I went was a vibrant, fantastic city with Western influences, incredible food, and some of the most fun I've had in recent memory.

I arrived in the middle of the afternoon, and headed to the corporate apartments, just a short taxi ride from the office. The weather was admittedly a bit warm and sticky (or at least comparatively warm and sticky to the chilly Sydney weather I had just left).

The view from my corporate apartment. Also,

the point where I started to get kinda sweaty.

Those identical buildings in the distance on

the right are a casino being built.

The waterfront at Clarke Quay - which felt

amazingly similar to Darling Harbor. It was

filled with tons of interesting-looking

restaurants.

One of the more interesting cars you don't

see all that often: the Daihatsu Copen.

Ridiculously-underpowered and overpriced,

I still considered putting it in my pocket and

walking off.

The building where the Google offices are

located.

The view from the 35th floor offices - one

of the busier harbors I've seen.

Lah Pa Sat - an incredible food court, and -

incidentally - the largest remaining Victorian

filigree cast-iron structure in Southeast Asia.

Steph took me here for lunch my first day.

Delicious.

Dinner at LPS with some Google-folk.

I tried quite a bit of new food on this trip,

specifically stingray and cockles. The former

was delicious.

My first meal in Singapore: sweet and sour

pork, black pepper sauce beef, and a massive

Tiger beer.

Another evening, I wandered around attempting

to find a hole-in-the-wall place, which Steph

assured me were the best places to go. I found

this one. Shady-ness level: 8/10. Perfect.

I also discovered a delicious new food item:

murtabak. The easiest way to describe it is

that it's essentially a giant Hot Pocket. Yum.

Part of the evening walking tour on which

Steph took me. On the walk back, it started to

pour out of nowhere.

Ooo - pretty colors. The view from my

apartment at night.

I was also invited to Jared's (Steph's boyfriend) 80s-themed birthday party the night I arrived. Had a blast there as well - I was in my element.

Jared, Steph, Steve Perry meets Right Said

Fred meets I have no idea, and Danielle.

I just really like this picture.

One evening, I went with a group to a dive-y but authentic Thai restaurant and ate all manner of delicious foods. Can't remember any of the food names, but much of it was quite spicy. How dive-y was it? Steph said the only stall available in the restroom was a squatter stall and it had roaches in it. The restaurant was clean, though. And I held my own quite well for an Ang Moh.

Fun fact: to hold a table in Singapore, you put a small packet of kleenex on the table.

In Asia and still the whitest one in the picture.

Figure that one out.

Every evening, outside of LPS, an amazing

world of satay stalls came to life. If you were

a block away, you would still get jumped by

someone who would drag you to a table

to try and get you to eat.

We also did karaoke one evening. I shouldn't

have led off with You Give Love a Bad Name.

As a side note, my friend Steph played hostess during my week there, and is pretty much the main reason I had such an awesome time. She made sure I ate at all the right places, saw some of the beautiful parts of the city, and didn't get lost.

One evening, we went with a group to a club called Zouk, and she kept hinting about something called Mambo Jambo. Not wanting to ruin the surprise, she kept exactly what it was a secret for most of the evening before we got there. When we finally arrived, it was the beginning of (as mentioned) the most fun I've had in a long time.

Picture this: lasers, smoke, a continuous mix of 70s, 80s, and 90s pop / rock. Sounds pretty cool already, right? Can't get better than that, right? Wrong. That's where the Mambo Jambo comes into play. Each song has hand movements that go along with it. EACH song. And everyone knows these moves. And there are platforms where people stand and do these moves. And there is a 'Mambo King' who knows all of these moves, and is damn good at them. Doing mambo is apparently a rite of passage into the club scene in Singapore. Here is an example of what I mean. I picked it up fairly quickly, and proceeded to do this for 5 hours. Those of you who know me even somewhat well realize that this is precedent-shattering. Serious fun. At 4 in the morning, we made our way to Spice, an all-night eatery catering to those still out at odd hours.

At any rate, most of you know that any time I'm near a zoo, I absolutely have to go check it out. And wouldn't you know it, Singapore has a zoo. And a rather spectacular one at that. All in all, I spent 12 hours at the zoo. Yep, you read correctly. 12 hours. Not only do they have a phenomenal main zoo, but they have a unique night safari zoo, where you can observe animals at night. The latter was a rather interesting experience, as it started pouring, and most people ran to stand under the main paddock until the rain stopped. I, on the other hand, promptly ran to the gift shop and bought an umbrella. This meant that while everyone else was huddles in masses at the entrance, I was wandering the zoo all by myself. In spite of the rain, there were still quite a few animals out and about, especially when the rain started letting up. Here are some pictures from the main zoo:

10 seconds after I walked in, I knew this was

going to be a great day. Why? This little guy

was just sitting in an uncaged tree a few feet

above my head.

Proboscis monkey! Weirdness, but so cool.

These are Babirusa - they have horns growing

out of their nose, in addition to tusks.

A white tiger - I reallllly want one.

Reason number 2 why every zoo should be like

this one. Didn't stumble upon one of these,

sadly.

A baby pygmy hippo - smallness x2! Blorp.

The entire zoo was flanked by lakes and rivers.

Aww - just like being home! Apparently Steve

Irwin came and consulted with them personally

to build the outback exhibit.

Reason number 3.

The zoo just went on and on - it probably took

30 minutes or so to walk straight from one end

to the other. Also, here's an elephant.

More of the waterways surrounding the zoo.

Mongooses? Mongeese? Either way...

Awesome.

A baby Hamadryas baboon. He tried to walk

away and each time, his mom would grab him

by the tail like it was a leash.

Disposing of the body: you're doing it wrong.

Cheetahs. On a related note, I really wish

they sold Cheetos in Australia...

Photographic proof that, no matter the size, all

cats are exactly the same.

A jaguar - not to be confused with this one.

They had a fantastic orchid garden there as well,

with pretty much every color of orchid imaginable.

Chock full of iguana-y goodness.

Continuing with the trend of large lizards, I

present to you the komodo dragon.

Oh yeah - and I got to pet a giant tortoise. The

oldest recorded giant tortoise in captivity

lived to be 176.

Cringer became the mighty Battle Cat.

And I became the most powerful man in

the universe! Only 3 others share this

secret.

The orangutans were free to roam in the

treetops throughout the zoo.

There was one particular exhibit there called Fragile Forest, which showcased some threatened species in a rainforest environment. The cool part was that it was open, so there were animals roaming all over the place.