Taipei, or, Now With 25% More Hilariously-butchered English!

The very last leg of my trip took me off the coast of mainland China to the country of Taiwan, specifically, the capital city of Taipei. Bitten, and subsequently slightly more shy as a result of my Shanghai experience, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from this island nation. Most of my laser pointers had been confiscated at the airport, so I was traveling light once again.

While China had been a freezing, snowy affair, wandering around the streets in Taipei, I found the weather to be pleasant, in every sense of the word. It was not too hot, it was not too cold. There was no snow, there was no rain. It had not yet passed properly into spring at this point, so the muggy, tropical heat had not settled over the little island. This pleased me, because I didn't relish the thought of being a soggy mess for the remainder of my trip (see: India, Singapore, Dubai, etc).

Grabbing a taxi from the airport (complete with little curtains over the windows), I made my way to what ended up being a rather nice hotel in the middle of the city. With a sense of childish glee, along with a goofy grin plastered across my face, I pressed my face up against the window and peered at the passing facades.

Just in case you were wondering where to get

your pet croomed in Taipei.

I reached the hotel and checked in, making my way up to the top floor and stopping briefly in my room for a shower before heading out to explore a bit. There were no fewer than three televisions in my room (one in the bedroom, one in the entry lounge, and a third in the bathroom next to the spa bath). Bear in mind this wasn't advertised as any sort of exceedingly-luxurious hotel, but I'll be damned if it wasn't particularly well-appointed.

This was the escape system for those located

on the upper floors. I'm not entirely sure if it's

meant to lower me to safety, or merely dangle

me outside the building as the interior is

consumed in an uncontrollable conflagration.

Ok, let's be realistic here - the chances of me

figuring out these instructions before I'm swallowed

by he ensuing inferno are not great.

Thoroughly hoping against any sort of building emergency, I took a very quick (cold - just to be on the safe side) shower and left to wander around the city while it was still light.

Immediately, I began to love this city. It had all the trappings of an Asian destination, but somehow felt more comfortable, more accessible. Like Japan, I didn't feel scrutinized by every single person. It felt clean, exotic, and culturally-diverse, and began to remind me of Singapore, without the constant perspiration. My head swiveled in almost every direction at once as I took it all in.

I haven't even the slightest clue what this place

was selling. A glimpse at their website only sought

to confuse me further.

The city never felt too crowded earlier. Hazy in the

background, Taipei 101 was a towering behemoth

among the other city buildings. This was my

destination.

Along the way, these small metal containers dotted

the edges of the sidewalk. My understanding is that

people would throw small pieces of paper with

prayers on them into the flames. I resisted the

urge to make s'mores...but only just.

One observation was that scooters and motorcycles

seemed to be the predominant form of city

transportation. At each light they would stack

up ten rows deep, like a giant wave of space

invaders.

There also appeared to be some sort of homage to

a plethora of cartoon characters of whom I had

never heard. It did feel a bit like stumbling upon

a mini-Disneyland, but an unfamiliar and terrifying

one...

...and soon an uneasy feeling began to settle

over me. The once-adorable grins of these shiny

figurines morphed into macabre snarls.

I ran.

I continued on my journey, with the spire of the tower as my guide. After a short while, I began to approach the base of the building. I can't ever recall having to crane my neck so much to admire a structure. The Taipei 101 is the second-tallest building in the world, after the recently-completed Burj Khalifa in Dubai (which I happened to catch as it was still under construction on my visit there last year). At the tip of its spire, Taipei 101 is over half a kilometer tall. That's astounding. Naturally, I had to go up.

A very tall structure with an incredibly pointy

top. Also, the Taipei 101 in the background.

Paying for my ticket, I entered one of the high-speed lifts that would take me to the top. When I say high-speed, I mean blindingly-quick for a lift. Something along the lines of 1000 meters / minute. That means it took only 30 seconds to get to the top of one of the tallest building in the world. Cool.

My ticket also provided me with admittance to the art show they currently had on in the observation deck. Most of it was rather standard, but one piece in particular stood out to me.

This sculpture, probably no more than a

couple of feet tall, was made entirely out of

leather. The detail on it was wonderful, from

the grains on the violins, to the wrinkles

on the man's face.

I spent most of my time wandering around the outskirts of the deck with my face pushed eagerly against the glass windows. It was a reasonably-clear day, and the views were nothing short of spectacular.

The only other times I can recall being this high

up have been strapped into an airplane.

The seemingly-packed city proper was surrounded

by lush, green jungle. I can only surmise that the

people living on the outskirts of the city regularly

had critters wandering in from the jungles.

Lucky.

More views from other sides of the tower.

Casting one final glance out across the city, I turned

and made my way to the exit.

The exit path takes you along some of the inner

workings of the building, including this - the

tuned mass damper. While it sounds like an

evil scheme hatched by a comic book villain, it

actually minimizes sway toward the top of the

tower.

Descending to the base of the tower, it was still reasonably light out. I decided to take a meandering route back toward the hotel, where I was planning on meeting up with my teammate Tina to wander around the city.

I'm not entirely sure whether this is meant to be

insulting or whimsical. Either it's all in good fun, or

my patriotism is waning somewhat.

The sun was fading as I returned to the hotel. Purely for the sake of it, I turned on all three televisions in my room to the same channel, and then wandered in a serpentine pattern throughout the rooms. Having sated my desire for opulence, I turned off all but one (there was a trashy yet entertaining film on), showered, and went to meet Tina. She had mentioned that there were some night markets worth visiting. Translating market into something my brain could grasp - FOOD - I skipped merrily alongside her in the direction of said markets.

If I have a single gripe about Taipei (and trust me,

I'm really digging here), it's that the lights take

ages to change. It sometimes feels like 5 minutes.

Thankfully, there are little animated walking men

below the numbers to entertain you while you wait.

We arrived at the markets and had a bit of a wander.

Eyes darting around excitedly, I would repeatedly

ask Tina what certain items were, having never

encountered roughly half of them.

We circled this place nine times before going in.

How hot was the coffee? Hot as hell, but divine.

The following day, we headed into the office, which, as it turns out, is on the 73rd floor of Taipei 101. I couldn't have been any more giddy with excitement. Well, technically I could have been. The office could have been made of candy.

The 101 sign at the base of the building.

It wasn't until after I had fondled this sign

inappropriately that I saw the sign kindly requesting

I not do so.

Now, I'm not going to spend too much time on the office itself. I will say that it has some amazing views (see the picture below), some very friendly people, and is probably one of my favorite offices outside of Sydney. I did want to focus on a few items of note, though.

Even a few floors down from the top, the view

is still breathtaking. Literally, I couldn't breathe.

As a result, they advocate a 35-second work day

in Taipei.

The micro-kitchens also provided a few nuggets of amusement...

"Look, I'm sorry, when you asked me to grab

some for you, I thought you were asking

something completely different..."

Essence of Chicken: All the essence, none of the

chicken. For when you're too full for the whole

chicken.

This water will hydrate your face off.

Similarly, a quick trip to the restroom revealed this little gem...

If you don't want me to touch it, don't make

it bright red and tell me not to touch it.

*press*

The local PeopleOps team in the Taipei office took us out to lunch that day at one of the many restaurants in the tower. We ended up at a place called Crystal Thai.

One of these days I'd like to test just how

accurate these things really are...y'know, just

grab a compass and start walking.

At lunch, they just kept bringing out the food. It

was all incredible, and it wasn't long before I was

stuffed.

I tend to get a bit unnerved when they bring out

a whole fish, though. Especially when it has

vampire fangs.

As the sun began to set, I got to see one of the cooler aspects of the city of Taipei, specifically regarding the tower. It lights up a different subsequent color of the rainbow spectrum (red, orange, yellow, etc) each day of the week. I can only surmise that this results in a complete renaming of the days of the week.

Wow, I didn't realize it was Greensday

already!

All the pretty colors...

That evening, I was going out for dinner with a few of the locals, Kun-an and Kayman, as well as Tina. We were headed to a good local hotspot that promised some amazing food. Naturally, I amused myself with some of the menu items.

Budda's heart clearly wasn't in it.

If you can't read that, it says 'Three cup souce

stinky pot.' My mouth was watering just

thinking about it.

From left to right: Kayman, Kun-an, Tina, Carson

'pasty beer drinker' Page.

From dinner, we wandered around town a little bit, and interestingly enough, it was suggested that we go by the local bookstore. I love bookstores as much as the next guy, but I wasn't entirely sure what this one would bring to the table. I was pleasantly surprised.

Bookstores in Taipei are a rather unique experience. In the US, there's almost an unspoken rule of 'you read it, you bought it,' or, 'what do you think this is, a library?' Not so in Taipei. The bookstore was massive, first of all. As we wandered around, I noticed something rather novel (pun naturally intended).

Every aisle was lined with people just reading.

Like it was a library or something.

They even had a ton of tables set up for people

plop themselves down and just read.

With that, we finished the evening, but not before an informative ride on the subway.

The rules seem pretty clear to me - no Tarzan yells,

no escalator surfing, no hilariously-oversized chicken

drumsticks, and if you fall asleep on a bed of hay,

the ghost of an elderly midget will haunt your dreams.

That following evening, my last night in what turned out to be an exceptionally fun city, I went out once again with a group from the office for a hot pot dinner. Having never had this before, I was quite looking forward to it.

The sun had set over the city by the time we

left the office, lighting it up as a glowing

metropolis.

Being that it was also Friday, Taipei 101 was also

illuminated blue. Either that or they knew it was

my favorite color. Assuming the latter.

Scooters filled the street as the evening rolled on -

the primary mode of transportation in Taipei.

Well, that, and haunted subway car.

Gearing up for dinner - don't let the small size of

the table mislead you; they brought out enough

food to feed a small country.

Also worth noting - there was a small station off to the side where you could actually mix your own dipping sauces. I had no idea what any of the ingredients were, but after cautiously smelling each one before pouring, I ended up with something that wasn't altogether unappetizing. Plus, I'm still breathing, so...win.

With every shade of meat imaginable, and two

different liquids in which to cook said meat (regular

and face-meltingly spicy), we had our work cut out

for us.

And yes, at one point I did, in fact, eat duck blood.

Tasted pretty much as you would expect it to

taste - metallic with a texture like pudding.

After dinner, we again set to the streets to have a wander around town in search of a good place to have dessert (not that I could be picky - most of the hot soup had burned the vast majority of my taste buds beyond repair).

Just the kind of hotel you can bring home

to mom and dad.

The sheer amount of signage in this part of the

city was overwhelming.

I think I understand the formula they are using to

name stores here, and you're all invited to the grand

opening of my new store, Capricious Fashionable

Viewpoint. Ahhhh-soooooo...

"For my first wish, I would like a Coke. Large,

please. I have a big thirsty."

We also walked by another busy night market,

where apparently you could any sort of meat on

any sort of stick you wanted.

We eventually found a place for dessert where I

had something truly amazing (the odd-one-out

red dessert in back). It was a pile of crushed

ice covered in strawberries, strawberry ice cream,

sugar syrup, and strawberry syrup. Heavenly.

After dessert, and just shortly before the amount of food I had consumed threatened to bring me to the ground in a spontaneous food coma collapse, we walked through a very crowded street containing another night market.

"And it seems to me you lived your life, like a

toilet in the lane..."

It was all I could do to press onward through the

relentless sea of shoppers. Oh, and resist buying

and armload of $2 shirts.

Having experienced 4 vastly different parts of Asia in three weeks, I headed back to the airport the following morning, having loved my time there, but looking forward to being home.